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I Was Trapped, But Now I’m Free!

Despite all the good that happened last month, I struggled with spiritual warfare a lot. Darkness penetrated the very core of my existence. It was everywhere. It was in my room, in my head and it desperately tried to cloak my heart. In my last blog, I talked of how God saves and uses unexpected examples of trust. Before realizing that lesson, I had to battle the darkness around and within.

Spiritual warfare is real. Explaining it in detail is very difficult, however, that doesn’t make it any less real. I experienced it. It followed me, it tried to attach itself to me. I sat in a prayer session of deliverance. I forgave generational curses, but that was only the beginning.

Thursday, something clung to me. I felt physical pain inside. My stomach was in knots, my hands were shaky, and sweat was upon my brow. I knew there was something on me, but I wasn’t sure how to get it off. The presence of pain intensified during a squad session, desperate for help, I glanced at my squad mates. I couldn’t shake this awful feeling. It would not leave. Suddenly, I had no control. I cried out in pain, my hands were shaking, and all I could do was cry. My squad mates and teammates gathered around me and prayed, but it would not leave. My squad leaders picked me up and helped me walk to another location. My left arm went completely numb all the way to my fingers. I could not move it. I plopped down on to the bed like a rag doll. My body was no longer in my control. My ears started ringing. One of my squad leaders started praying over me, but I could not hear her. I could see her lips moving, but there was little to no sound.

I have never experienced anything like this before.

I was present, but I had absolutely no control over myself, my pain, my emotions, or my responses. After a while of continuous prayer, my hearing came back, but I still felt utterly trapped within my body. I could hear my leaders fighting for me. I could feel myself smile, and laugh in a way that was not my own. I could feel myself jerk and writhe against my will. I was there, yet I couldn’t speak or react. Lies, guilt, shame, mockery, & deception clouded my mind. I was trapped.

Their words, their prayers, their strength in The Lord kept me going. I’ve never really been fighter in the fight or flight response, but seeing the way my leaders fought for me, made me want to change. Seeing God’s strength in them, made me want to try. First, I battled guilt & shame. I confessed any and all sins I’ve ever committed. Second, I battled shame and lies. For a full hour, I focused on forgiving myself and others for unreleased hurts.

After that, mockery had no right to reside, and neither did deception. With that confirmation, a bucket load of prayer and a whole lot of Jesus vanquished everything that stood in my way and kept me trapped within. God made a way. Pulsing waves of mercy and love cleansed me from the inside out. Pain subsided, feelings returned, and my ability to control was back in my court, where it belonged.

Before, I was trapped in shadowed corridors of misery and pain. Afterwards, I was made free.

For now, the war is over, the battle is won.

The realization, the outcome is that Jesus lives inside me. There is power in his name. I don’t have to be strong enough, because Jesus covers me where I fail. I can’t save myself, but God can. I may not have it all together, but I can tell you, I feel more alive today than I did on that day. I may not look different, but I feel different. I feel renewed. I feel free. I am free indeed. The next time Satan tries to get in my head, I’m going to fight him, because I’ve got Jesus on my side, and with him nothing is impossible.

After deliverance on Thursday, God showed me, Psalms 143 and also the beginning of Psalms 144. (The bold parts stood out to me the most.)

143: Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you. The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should gofor to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

144Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, 
my stronghold and my deliverer, 
my shield, in whom I take refuge…

P.S. —>These songs were in my head after everything went down:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpdYgbMf0L8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OggJ1pIPxUE

Praise God!

10 Comments

  1. Praising God for all He has done for you. I will never cease to be amazed at all the ways the Lord God works within us to aid in the deliverance of His children. It is so awesome that even when we didn’t know exactly what you were going through at the time our prayers were keeping you uplifted in God’s care and preventing you from falling into that horrendous darkness. He has never lost a child of His, and He never will. What confidence that gives us. How wonderful to know that you have experienced the love of God delivering you. I can’t imagine what your life will be like after you return from this race. You have changed so much, how your confidence in yourself has grown. We serve an awesome God! Love you.

  2. We were praying only knowing that we must intercede for you and not stop until God filled us with peace. God loves you so much that he had folks half a world away crying out in your behalf. You are precious to so many. You are free, Beloved. Rejoice!!!!

  3. Praise God for you LeAnna. Pray and God’s Word are so powerful. The scriptures you shared are uplifting for each of us. Love and prayers to you.
    Nancy

  4. Dear LeAnna, You are so strong and God is with you always! Our prayers and love are with you always,too!

  5. Spiritual warfare is no fun. Having fought the good fight stand firm in His victory. Our God is awesome, a fixed rock when all else shakes. The reality of the war we are in is it’s never really over until the Lord comes or we go to him, but that’s OK for greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.

    Bless you LeAnna. Keep up the Good fight!

    Peter

  6. As your mom said, from half a world away you had people praying for you, not knowing details but that you were caught up in the spiritual war. Praise God for His deliverance. Know you continue to be covered with prayer. God is good! It blesses all of us to see Him at work in your life as you share with us.

    Love you! Stay strong and grow even stronger. God is trustworthy!

  7. Thoughts and prayers are always with you. With the Lord leading you and delivering you…you will stand strong against Sayan and his spiritual warfare.

  8. Just wanted to say Blessings to you Leanna as you keep the faith and see it in action!!! and a big Happy Birthday!!!!
    We love you!!

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